I’ve got depression. It’s stuck with me since about 12th grade. And right now it’s pretty bad. No, I have no intentions of ending my life. I have too much to live for to actually do that. Yes, many times I think “it would be easier if…” Which brings me to another topic. Suicide isn’t selfish. People who try to or do end their lives more often than not write to their friends and family. They know that people care about them, and they know that people will be hurt by their actions. Really though, whether or not you believe these people are weak or selfish doesn’t matter.
Telling somebody who is suicidal that they’re being selfish isn’t going to help. Or at least, it wouldn’t help me. It’s like saying “Oh, yeah great, now that you’re really feeling like there’s no way out of your situation and you probably already think you’re a horrible human being, now lets throw on the selfish label- yeah, that’ll make ya feel awesome.
I just recently realized that I’ve fallen back into that depression hole. The funny thing about it though was that I just kept thinking “try harder, try HARDER, you’re not trying hard enough.” So I’m going to ask for more support from my parents. I’m going to call up my mom tomorrow and ask if she can drive up next week to come with me to my doctor appointment. My therapist mentioned that I’ve been doing this thing with my leg on my own for 5 months and it’s frustrating. While I am perfectly capable of going to the appointment and talking with the doctor, I could use the emotional support.
I’m not sure where this blog is going right now, so I will end with this. I know things haven’t always felt this way, and I have hope that things will change for the better. One reason I can think that is because I am doing things to make change happen. I’ve decided to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist (I sorta stopped taking medication without their advice, not my finest decision), I’m taking a one day break from the “do a scary/challenging thing”, and I’m going to call my mom. And hey, those two things are challenging, (I mean, kinda.) At least they’re steps in the right direction OK?!
Be Your Own Hero 
I too have struggled with bouts of bad depression; in fact I am just starting to find my way out of the pit of my latest attack.
I have written a few articles on my blog about how I have tackled it.
One really helpful tool this last time has been to find a group of friends or people you can trust, add them to a special list or group on your phone or even computer & then when you’re struggling send this list a text. If you’ve explained that their role is nothing more than texting back to let you know they are there for you most will agree to be a part of your ’emergency list’.
They aren’t there to solve your problems but I found that knowing I wasn’t alone in the situation was a real help & encouragement when I needed it most.
If you’re interested to read more my blog is at http://waywood.wordpress.com. I am also very happy for you to email me if that would help.
Take care.
thank you (: